“Where are you really from?”- The hidden bias in questions we ask our colleagues

Though many people from the Global Ethnic Majority will have undoubtedly been questioned throughout their lives about where they’re really from, being challenged by colleagues, for me, is a specific kind of workplace micro-aggression that cuts deep.

Innocent as a question as it may seem (to someone who’s never had to defend their own identity), having your nationality disputed can be demeaning, patronising and antagonising - especially in a professional environment where you’d hope that people form an opinion of you based on your skills, potential and character - not your skin tone.

So, what’s wrong with asking someone where they're from?

First - it’s the persistence and ignorance of someone not taking your answer at face value (quite literally) when they ask “Where are you from?” and you reply, “The UK” or “Swindon”. That’s because it is often followed by the question “Where are you really from?” - because your answer wasn’t satisfactory. It didn’t fit the version they’d formed of your identity. A recent high-profile example is the incident at Buckingham Palace five months ago, when Lady Susanne Hussey persistently asked the leading charity founder Ngozi Fulani, where she was “really from?”, because the initial answer of ‘Hackney’, apparently, did not suffice.

The subtext, or presumption here is that whiteness equals Britishness and anyone with black, brown or mixed skin tones must not really belong. It’s a form of micro-aggression - a subtle and often unconscious form of discrimination that creates an ‘othering’ distinction between you and those around you. This unconscious bias pervades our work and social cultures, despite living in one of the most multiethnic countries in the world.

Second - it's the damage that this does to a person each time they are asked the question, and spend some time explaining their ethnic heritage and nationality. When asked time and time again, every time you change roles or meet someone new, it becomes death by a thousand cuts. Is this level of ancestral detail ever demanded as standard from white colleagues?

Businesses thrive when everyone in the workplace is equally included, respected and valued. Made to feel part of a team; united. It’s not just a nice-to-have - it's a business imperative to have a well-functioning team where everyone can turn up and do their best work, regardless of their protected characteristics and without anxiety related to how their identity will be perceived.

When your nationality and ethnic origins are publicly questioned in an otherwise homogeneous environment, it implicitly affirms to everyone in the conversation that you are a guest of sorts; that you don’t belong here like they do. This is in direct opposition to inclusion.

These outcomes aren’t solely a result of being questioned, or who’s asking - it’s the context of the environment. What people believe to be ‘normal’ and therefore the dominant, accepted culture. Until recent times the creative sector has been a mostly white, middle-class, dominated environment.

We know from data collected by Diamond, Directors UK and Ofcom that the more senior the position, the less likely you are to see a diverse mix of people, be that ethnicity, disability, socio-economic background or gender. If you are from one or more of these under-represented groups, there’s a strong chance that you’ll have had more challenges on the path to your position than say a middle class, white, non-disabled cis-male.

When questioned on our origins in a professional environment, these feelings are not just self-imposed - they are affirmed and materialise through these outward interactions - allowing false and negative stereotypes or biases to inform perceptions of us. It’s easy to feel as though you are ‘lucky’ to be there at all, experience (as I have) imposter syndrome and feel fearful of the consequences of calling out people’s unconscious biases.

So is there a better way to go about conversations surrounding ethnicity? Is it ever okay to ask ethnicity based questions of Global Ethnic Majority colleagues?

On one hand it might just require all of us to take a 30 min history lesson. Whether your grandmother immigrated to this country 40 years ago rather than your great-great-great-great grandmother 400 years ago, we are all the products of a long line of continent-traversing, country-crossing, gene-mingling ancestors. Skin tone is, or should be, irrelevant.

So my first suggestion is to take some time to learn about your own ancestry. If you’re a white British person, consider that you may have ancestry far beyond these borders. What led your ancestors here? Where did they come from? What did they do? Understanding our own heritage makes us much more mindful and conscious of others, it removes the ‘them’ and ‘us’ mentality when we realise that we’re all the product of such wide and wonderful gene pools.

Don’t get me wrong; learning about someone, where they’re from and their heritage, isn’t a bad thing - but I think there’s ways to ask… So my second suggestion is to be specific and respectful with your ask. If you want to find out the details of someone’s no doubt rich and exciting family heritage, ask them just that. If you want to find out where someone’s from (i.e. their hometown), then ask them! But don’t disregard someone's answer because it doesn’t suit your preconceptions.

Finally, if you are asking someone where they’re from, think about why you’re asking. What is it you truly want from that interaction? Will this actually provide any level of depth to the conversation or your understanding of the person?

Bonus suggestion: Check, re-check and re-re-check your unconscious biases. If you’re aware of how these have informed your world-view, it’s likely you’ll see the issues surrounding ‘Where are you really from?’ for yourself. And then you might think differently about asking it at all.